The End of a Decade
I had originally wanted to write a blog about “nineteen things I learned in twenty nineteen” but the more I pondered about it, the more I realized that maybe I didn’t learn nineteen things this year. I honestly can’t believe that its the last day of the decade, and since I’m weirdly all about self reflection and self improvement, I still wanted to write about what I did learn. Since it’s the end of the decade, lets talk about ten things I’ve learned in this decade:
Change is best received when you don’t fight it. It’s been said that change is good and for a really long time I would disagree with that statement. Change is one of the hardest things that I’ve had to cope with over the last several years. Whether it’s been deciding to go to school, getting a new job, moving to a new city, ending a relationship or putting your truest dreams on hold to fulfill your realistic dreams; change is something that is not easy to accept sometimes. However, all the changes I’ve gone through, despite their growing pains, have ended up being a great thing in the long run.
Kindness is easier. I’ve come to the weirdest of conclusions, that I am in fact not a complete jerk. I think I got used to constantly describing myself as a mean or angry person, that every time someone calls me ‘nice’ it throws me for a loop. The older I’ve gotten and the more people that I’ve gotten to know over the last couple of years, have proven to me that people are always going through something. People deserve the benefit of kindness until proven otherwise.
People will let you down. The biggest and possibly the hardest lesson I’ve learned is that people are… well, human. It’s annoying, I know. People will come and go from your life, in fact, it is a rarity to have the same people in your life for a continuous ten years. However, the biggest let down is when people are still actively present in your life but not there for you the way you truly wish they were. This is unfortunate and disheartening, but the reality is that there is always someone willing to listen, sometimes you just have to meet new people.
Isolation breeds depression. Sometimes it’s hard to explain my personality type. People almost immediately want to assume that I’m an extrovert but in reality I’m an ambivert, a puzzling mixture of both an extrovert and introvert. When I’m around people, I have no problem being social but by the end of the night - I find myself to be extremely exhausted and in desperate need of alone time. This alone time can sometimes turn into days or weeks of wanting to be by myself. I have found that in moments where my emotions are in a state of chaos, that I tend to withdraw from people. The weird lesson over this last year is that isolating myself does not help me, but rather it feeds into moments of situational depression. It’s funny that in moments of high stress, I become more of an introvert - which means I’ve got to learn to go against my natural instinct of isolation and find someone to talk to for a quick minute. See — all about self improvement.
There is a fine line between busy and too busy. There is time for everything, until there isn’t time for anything. When I was in school, I was the queen of being too busy. Life is about balance - you have to have a set of priorities. We are not super people, which means we don’t have superpowers. We can’t be everywhere and do everything but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do anything. In fact, if you’re anything like me, the busier I am, the more productive I seem to be.. BUT it can’t be that I’m soo busy that I get burnt out. it’s a fine line!
Actions still speak louder than words. Believe them. I have known people who constantly claim to want something, but never go after it. People who are great talkers, but terrible doers. Maybe it’s because I’ve been let down by people before and I’m sort of a cynic or maybe it’s because it’s human nature but I will always place greater value in what someone does over what someone says.
Just because you thought it, doesn’t mean you have to say it. I am a work in progress when it comes to this. A co-worker of mine actually tells me that I need a ten second filter. In fact, this was one of my goals this year. For my brain to outrun my mouth and not vice versa. I wish I knew how many words I speak throughout the day, I’m sure it’s more than average but it’s because I have a natural inclination to be honest. In the last year, I’ve met some interesting people. One guy told me that he “doesn’t bother saying anything because it'll be wasted words.” I mean that’s a common sense statement but for some reason it resonated with me. I’ve put a strain on some of my longest relationships because I’ve said exactly what I’ve felt/thought when I’ve felt or thought it. Truth is, people don’t need to hear what they already know unless they ask you. And some people will ask you, just to ignore you. That’s frustrating to me. So - now, unless I can see an actual desire to hear what I have to say, I’m working on not saying anything at all.
Adventures are good for the soul. Due to being a person with constant wanderlust, I’ve come to the realization (with the help of my brother and sister in law) that I need some sort of adventure. This year I’ve done more small city exploring than any other. Don’t get me wrong, hopping on a plane is a great thing, but so is getting into a pickup truck and driving down a country road for 45 minutes. I didn’t know I’d love it, until I started doing it. So, if you ever feel stuck, go find some adventure.
Time and Jesus heal all wounds. Listen, I know that this won’t make sense to some of you. But I promise you, it works. I’ve done all the things to help move on from moments of heartbreak but the truth is, it’s only when I’ve asked Jesus to help me get through have I ever felt capable of doing so. It’s not about instantaneous relief most times, sometimes it’s just about strength and peace - all which come from Him.
I am flawed. Surprise! I realize that at the start of the decade, I was a pretty judgmental person. Then, as life usually does, I was taught a lesson. I am flawed and since I’m flawed it means I am susceptible to making mistakes. Listen, there is nothing worse than having someone throw your mistakes in your face. So, because I’ve been shown grace and compassion, I must in turn also show grace and compassion. It’s an easy concept, harder to put into progress. I’ve been working on it. In fact, I am a constant work in progress. Don’t judge me.
Life is what you make it. Perception is everything. You can find a good thing in anything or you find a negative thing in everything. Whether you are a natural pessimist or an optimist, usually you can choose how you perceive a person, situation or thing to be. I, a negative person, am trying to become an optimist. It’s exhausting always expecting the worst.
So, I ended with 11 things instead of 10 things, so there’s that. I did say I was a talker right?
Happy New Years! I wish you a blessed and prosperous 2020!
