2018: What an Adventure

I will not tell a lie. This year has been a rollercoaster of emotion, both good and bad. I am extremely grateful for this year because I got 365 new days and not everyone got that. I did realize something about myself this year that was a fabulous discovery and quite the opposite of how I would describe myself; apparently I don’t do stress well and I might need therapy to deal with my “fight me” attitude through troubling times.

The last four months of this year have been brutal. I say that but then I ask myself: “did you cry though?” Yes, actually, a lot. There were moments where I was exhausted, there were moments where I was sad, and there were moments where I was beyond irritated. But there were also moments of complete and utter happiness, peace, satisfaction and fulfillment.

To be honest and in defense of 2018, I set the precedent for the year by starting off 2018 stressed up to my eyeballs. I feel like I’ve been learning a lesson for a little less than a year, where I have really got to learn to trust God. 2018 started off with me being overwhelmingly worried about whether or not I’d find a co-op. I did, and in fact that co-op turned into a full time (contract) job that I will have for a year in a couple weeks. The summer was fantastic, no worries. Hakuna Matata, you know?

And then I entered into my final semester of college, and all the stress that I’ve never felt in school caught up to me. I am not a person that stresses about school, I just am not. I don’t stay up all night studying, I don’t worry or get anxiety before an exam, I don’t doubt my intelligence and I definitely don’t worry about failing. I have an easy going nature; I can get along with just about anyone. Well, let me tell you (as if I haven’t already), I wanted to fight everyone. At one point I told someone to “come at me bro.” Ew. Who even does that? Apparently, I do.

But I got through it, and I got that long awaited degree: Bachelor of Commerce (Human Resources Management). Someone straight up told me after hearing that title, that my future job sounded extremely boring. That person was promptly fired (without severance) from my friend group. Just kidding, it’s a unionized environment, so I couldn’t. Oh my goodness, I will stop with the HR related humour.

To be honest, I could go into a deep dive into other reasons why this year was extremely difficult at times, but why? It’s over now. I got through it. I can’t dwell on it anymore; it actually hurts my brain/soul/body/heart/everything to hash it out over and over again. I don’t want to start 2019 in that manner. I want to start 2019 feeling good about what’s to come, what is and what has been. At the end of the day: it is what it is and there isn’t much we can do about it now.

However, I declare that this will be the year of new adventures and new experiences, whether good or bad. Each serve a purpose in our life and I’m learning to understand and appreciate that. So maybe I don’t need therapy, cause frankly, I don’t have benefits and I can’t afford that. I cannot begin another year bringing in the “sorrows” of last year into it, and I refuse to do so; because God is good and therefore life is good. Believe it, own it and live it.

With love,

Ruth.